Confessions of a Rebel Elf
by hannirose
Summary: An interesting mix between Lord of the Rings and a teenage elf who is madly in love wit the one & only Legolas. Please R+R Rated PG-13 for later chapys.
1. Chapter one

Confessions of a Rebel Elf  
  
Stats-  
  
Name- Elana Fay daughter of Reylen and F'noir  
  
Age- 56. Am such a youngling. (AN/ Remembers elves get old! In human years she would be about 17)  
  
Martial status- Sadly I am single. Note 2 self: MUST CHANGE THIS!  
Family- Dad, Mom, and a brother… Oh and my pet squirrel, Bimpy. (the bro named him)  
  
Looks- I have red hair which is like most elves silky but unlike most elves it is V. short due to the fact that my little brother who is only 30 decided it would be a fine joke to chop it off in my beauty rest. And ever since then his stuft animal has 'magically' disappeared.  
I have hazel eyes but it turns out that hazel is just a fancy name for mud brown, charming.   
I am rather on the short side for an elf. I am only '5"6 and a half inch.  
I am slender for the most part my mother, Reylen warns me that if I do not cut back on food soon I shall swell up like a blimp. I said that since my brother already resembles a blimp it is hardly surprising that I would have the same issues. I also told her that it was her own selfishness that got me here in passing her genes along to me. She just sent me to my room. She is very touchy on the issue of weight.  
  
That is more than anyone could ever want to know about me so I shall stop bragging about my charming looks and get onto more important stuff like… My hunk for the year.  
Need I even say his name? Could any other elf compare to his good looks and cunning? The answer is of course no. But I shall say his name anyway just incase you turn out to be one of those odd people that are in love with a dwarf or something like that. Legolas. Only the most studly, handsome, smart, best with the bow, and not to mention with the best butt, elf in the whole Middle Earth. Oh, if only he were mine own. My precious. (AN/ Hardy har har I just had to add that)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
June 21st, Midsummer's Eve-  
  
1:00pm,  
God, another Holiday come and gone and are I get are supposed, "thoughtful" gifts from family members and friends. Nothing from Legolas the hottest elf in the world. I shall list the received below:  
  
A) A necklace made of acorns stringed onto… A piece of what I hope is string but looks suspiciously like one of my old braids, from the little man (my bro).  
  
B) A trine from Jonny (my friend, no not that kind of friend I mean, please! He's a great guy but he holds noting next to Legolas) but here's the thin, I don't garden! The last time I planted anything was in school with my class planting tomatoes and they died. No one else's did… Only mine.  
  
C) Shampoo for Bimpy (the squirrel) from my dad. Just a subtle hint that he needs a bath dreadfully.  
  
D) This book thingy from mom.  
  
E) A pin from Lorana (my other friend). I have to say that this was probably the gift that costs the most. Even my family doesn't love me enough to buy me expensive things.  
  
F) A kiss from Legolas.  
  
HA!!! You so fell for that last one, didn't you? I wish is all I have to say on that front.  
  
1:10pm,  
Drank 2 many Voktails. Am rather tipsy.  
  
1:11pm,  
I only took a sipsy, but now I am V. tipsy.  
  
1:15pm,  
I can rhyme. Who 'da thunk it?  
  
1:20pm,  
It's a Holiday. There should be something fun to do. There should be but there is not. What a sad sorry place this is.  
  
1:22pm,  
With a name like RivenDale you would think there would be at least like some tubing parties and lots of hot guys. Only one hot guy here, my love Legolas.  
  
1:23pm,  
Mmmmm… Legolas…   
  
4:25pm,  
I think my squirrel Bimpy may be a mind reader. I told him to leave me alone and he did. Although, I did throw a pillow at him… Hmmm… I still think he has special mind powers.   
  
4:30pm,  
Nothing to do.   
  
5:36pm,  
Still nothing to do.  
5:56pm,  
Lorana came over and we gossiped for a while but she told me that she has a crush on Jonny and I got kinda weirded out. I mean, this guy is like my brother. We went skinny-dipping together before. That sounded bad. I would never go skinny-dipping with my pervy little brother.  
  
6:34pm,  
I wonder if Legolas is a perv. I would be honored to be sexually harassed by him.  
  
6:50pm,  
I wish Leggy would sexually harass me.  
  
10:23pm,  
Am procrastinating. I need to wash Bimpy but that would require walking down to the river and I have no energy to do that.  
  
11:58,  
Went down to the river when Da threatened to fry Bimpy up and serve him to Grandma if I did not wash him. So here I am walking down to the river with a stinky squirrel and no boyfriend.  
  
12:06,  
Am depressed. And wet.  
  
12:10,  
Dumb Bimpy. Pushed me in the river.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
AN/ Thoughts? I hope I get reviews! I will love you forever if you review. And I will give you a nice banana. Mmmm… Banana's are good. I must be off now! Like Elana I need my beauty rest. Heheheh. Review me? PLEASE!!! 


	2. Chapter two

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
AN/ Ooh! No reviews! *sob* Oh well, I'm updating anyway because I have nothing better to do. Also I forgot in the first chappy to say all the disclaimers and that crap. So…  
  
DISCLAIMER: If I owned Rivendale I would be, A) Dead. B) A man, And C) RICH! Which is why you should not sue me! I do own Elena and I few other characters, I also own the plot, do not sadly own Legolas… Ooh! Own Bimpy too!   
Chapter 2  
  
June 22,  
9:00am  
Dumdumdeedum… Am V. bored. Again I am dreaming about Legolas and wishing he were mine.  
  
10:06 am  
Ode to Legolas:  
O elf of my heart for you do I pine  
And wish that you were in the arms of mine  
Your eyes are like whirlpools they spin me around  
And with you my heart will always be found  
Like a bird in the sky my heart does soar  
Whenever I see your face at the door  
When o when will you finally see   
You and me were meant to be?  
  
10:08  
Am seriously considering throwing my brother in the lake.  
  
10:10  
I did.   
  
10:12  
Feeling much better now, I should throw him in the lake more often.  
11:56  
Jonny came over and told me that he has a crush on Lorana. Now I have to play match maker for the two of them. Hmm.. Maybe I won't tell Lorana. I would feel V. stupid if I were the only one without a boyfriend. Decisions decisions…  
  
12:42  
Decided that it would be cruel and heartless to not tell Lorana. So I did. And she freaked out, here is almost directly from her mouth what she said:  
  
Lorana: OMG! You're kidding?  
Me: No  
Lorana: OMG! What should I do? Should I talk to him???  
Me: Uh… Yes, people usually do that.  
Lorana: *big sigh* Oh, he is just so hot! Don't you agree?  
Me: Um… If you like farmers with gray hair and freckles then yes he is.  
Lorana: His hair is black  
Me: Not in the sun  
Lorana: Oh…  
Me: And he has a really small-  
  
At this point she broke me off by screaming. I'm not quite sure why she was so mad. Some idea about me trying to ruin her happiness. All I know is that five seconds later she forgave me.  
  
  
12:37  
EW! It's V. disturbing to see your almost brother and almost sister stick their tongues down each others throats. V. V. V. disturbing.  
  
12:12  
Need a new picture in head.  
  
12:23  
Am V. depressed about fact that I am now the only one of my "close friends" that is still single. NOTE TO SELF: MUST MUST change this!  
  
2:47  
GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? I GOT A SECRET ADMIRER! Seriously! I went outside to fill up Bimpy's water dish and there was a package on the door step.  
I decided to keep the note and past it in here:  
  
Roses are red  
Violets are blue  
When I drink a lot I think of you  
~Love~  
Your secret admirer.  
  
Is that just the most romantic thing ever? And guess what the gift was? It was a bottle of perfume! It smells like rotting food actually but STILL! I'm so joyous! But I wish I knew who it was from. Maybe Bimpy knows. He does have special mind powers like I said before…  
  
3:15  
I had a bad thought. Well, two bad thoughts.  
A) Is perfume a hint that I smell bad? I fully wash my whole body every Sunday and wash my face every day before I put on my make-up.  
B) What if it's a joke??????? What if it's one of my friends just kidding around. Am V. worried.  
  
3:38  
I made Lorana and Jonny swear that it was not them. I threatened to black mail them if they were lying. I threatened Lorana by telling her I would tell Jonny she stuffs her bra and Jonny by telling him I would tell Lorana about the time I found him with a naughty magazine.  
I am hoping that this is good enough. I think it will be.  
  
4:03  
I think Lorana and Jonny have lost their minds. They are V. obsessive. It was cute the first time Jonny called Lorana his, Sweet bottle of mayonnaise and to hear Lorana call Jonny her fried egg man but now it is rather sickening.  
  
5:26  
I think that my secret admirer must be Legolas! He talked to me today! And true, it was only to tell me that Bimpy was strangling himself with a reed but still! He talked to me!   
I think I made a good impression on him. I sort of flipped what is left of my hair and blinked a lot. He even asked me if I had something in my eye. He sounded worried when he asked!   
Then he left and I had to fix Bimpy. Bimpy smells quite nice today. Like shampoo and my new perfume. I had to try it out on him just to see.'  
  
5:33  
Mmmm… Voktails…  
  
5:56  
Am tipsy again.  
  
6:17  
Legolas is so hot.  
  
6:19  
Mmmm… I like cookies.  
  
6:34  
I wonder if my secret admirer is out there somewhere thinking of me and getting tipsy as well.  
  
6:58  
O what a beautiful morning, o what a beautiful day.  
  
7:01  
Bimpy killed a lizard. How clever of him.  
  
7:07  
I always kind of thought squirrels were vegetarians but Bimpy just ate the lizard so I guess I was wrong.  
  
7:36  
I wonder what lizards taste like. I should find out.  
  
8:04  
Am cooking a lizard.  
  
8:19  
Lizards are GOOD! I made a new discovery! I should be famous! Mmm… Lizard good…  
  
8:27  
Voktails are good too.  
  
9:36  
Tipsy again.  
  
10:12  
Tipsy tipsy tipsy… I wonder if Bimpy likes Voktails.  
  
10:16  
Bimpy is now tipsy as well. He tried to mate with a tree stump. He he he. Am now all by myself with a tipsy squirrel.  
  
10:23  
I'm going to bed now.  
  
10:46  
I wonder if Legolas is thinking of me.  
  
10:55  
Bimpy still drunk. He does not hold his drink well he keeps throwing up.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
AN/ So???? Whatta ya think? PLEASE someone review me!!! I'll love you forever if you do. *gets on knees and begs* Please?  
  
~Hannah, the one the only! 


	3. Chapter three

AN/  
  
YAY! I got reviews! *dances* Ok, on to the thank you's:  
  
Srelma: THANK YOU!!!! I love TPD I was sort of basing it off that. What's your first favorite book? Just for the sake of curiosity.   
  
Deliandery: Your sister's diary, huh? Bad you. Although, I have read my sisters diary many times before.  
  
Yeah, I spelled it wrong whoopsy. And the age this is messed up, I know. Sorry about that. Glad you find it funny, I hope you continue to read.  
  
Write-on3108: Thanks! You rock socks! I love you for putting me on your faves list. That makes you super special.   
  
Tamsy, Daine+Lilac: YES! I do love you forever. heh. Yes PotC is a GOOOOOOD movie. I saw it three times in the theatre. I can't WAIT for it to come out on DVD. I am totally going to buy it. Jack Sparrow was soooo funny. I think it takes a very special guy to wear eyeliner, have a braided beard, and various tattoos and other things and STILL look sexy. He is a talented guy! Anyway, glad you liked it, thanks so much for reviewing.  
  
Isidora- Thanks! I love making people laugh, it's like a personal goal of mine. This whole world needs to lighten up a bit and laugh more. So you just made my day. Kudos for you! And do I really get a banana for updating? SWEET!  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~  
  
Chapter 3  
  
7:56 am,  
  
Dumdumdeedum. Tis WAY too early to be awake. Am going back to sleep.  
  
10:23 am,  
  
Ah, beauty sleep is good for the soul. All though bad for the complexion because my hair is sticking up at odd angles.  
  
10:24,  
  
Found hair had been messy because it had previously used as a squirrel bed. Am V. disturbed by fact considering yesterday I caught him licking his own butt.  
  
10:25,  
  
Wonder if I can lick my own butt?  
  
10:30,  
  
Nope.  
  
11:56,  
  
I feel like singing! The day is bright and summerish! The birds are tweeting and building nests and the deer and animals are playing, and Bimpy is licking his own butt again.  
  
12:13,  
  
Have decided after much consideration to sing my heart out! I have a sneaking suspicion that I am a singing master.  
  
12:25,  
  
Hmmm... Is having the elf your madly in love with ask if someone is attacking you when your actually just singing to welcome the spring, a bad sign? Poo on him, I never liked him much anyway!  
  
  
  
12:33,  
  
Ok so I lied. I do things like that every once and a while.  
  
12:34,  
  
I like lying to myself, it makes for a V. exciting lifestyle if I do say so myself.   
  
1:56,  
  
Why oh why is it that I someone so perfect am trapped in a world where I am fully unappreciated? If only someone like Legolas, would look around and see that a perfect beauty and the only he always wanted is standing there looking into his soul and waiting only for him?  
  
2:34,  
  
Well, maybe not into his SOUL but into his gorgey blue eyes and beautiful lashes and frame his face so perfectly.  
  
3:06,  
  
GUESS WHAT?! I got another anonymous love letter. I shall copy it down below.   
  
Dearest Laurana.  
  
Your hair in the color of a freshly squished tomato,  
  
Your eyes are the color of a swamp at mid day.  
  
Your laugh like a hyena,   
  
Your smile like a toads,  
  
I love you dearly,  
  
The elf of my dreams!  
  
Is that not even MORE romantic than the first love letter? I mean, sure it doesn't really rhyme but it's the thought that counts! Right?   
  
But who is it???  
  
4:12,  
  
WHO IS IT????????????????????  
  
4:23,  
  
I am V. winded! I just spent the last... 11 minutes chasing Bimpy. He stole my diary! I managed to get it back though. Not when I hit him over the head with a branch but when I bribed him with food.   
  
4:30,  
  
Why is it that Miss Perfect Raine I'm-so-sexy-and-I-know-it can have a nice pure bred squirrel that even knows how to cook EGGS and my squirrel just fell into the fountain for the tenth time? It's not fair. I should think my parents would love me enough to buy me a GOOD squirrel. Evidently I'm just not cool enough to have a good squirrel. What a crime it is.  
  
4:32,  
  
Did I mention that I have a secret admirer??? I bet Miss Raine doesn't.  
  
4:56,  
  
I want Legolas. He's hot!  
  
5:59,  
  
  
  
Legolas: Hello, Laurana.  
  
Me: Gahhhhh...  
  
Him: Are you okay?  
  
Me: Yesss! *high raspy voice*  
  
Him: Umm... How's your father?   
  
Me: He fell in the river yesterday and died because a mad dwarf ate him.  
  
Him: Really now? I wonder if Gimli is in town, it could have been him.  
  
Me: I was joking, you know.  
  
Him: I know.  
  
Me: Oh...  
  
Him: Do you want to go for a walk with me tomorrow after the afternoon meal?  
  
Me: YES!! Uh, I mean, sure. Why not?  
  
Him: I'll come by your house at noon then, all right?  
  
Me: Yesss. (Again the squeaky voice thing.)  
  
Him. Good bye. See you tomorrow.  
  
Me: Gahhhhhhh...  
  
6:05,  
  
I'M GOING ON A WALK WITH LEGOLAS!!!!!! BEAT THAT MISS SEXY RAINE!  
  
6:07,  
  
What am I going to wear?  
  
~!*!~  
  
AN/ ok so this chapter was rather short and uneventful but I will try to make better chapters in the future. PLEASE review! If you review I shall... GIVE YOU TWIX BARS! Oh Yum... I made myself hungry. Oh and you should all pity me because I am sick. Tis sad. Anyway, REVIEW! Oh, and should Legolas be the one sending her love letters??? 


End file.
